Do you ever think that you are not good enough? Like you are not measuring up in life? Like you are not doing your best in relationships, your job, in school, etc? Constantly questioning and doubting yourself and thinking that you should be doing more, saying more and being more. Well, you are not alone. Did you know that 80% of women have a “Not Enough” story? Myself included, yep…I’m there with you sistafriend!
I’m sure if you think about it now, you can look back on the times you thought you were not enough. And maybe, you have even seen this come up in your circle of women; we are oftentimes reflections of each other. “Not enough” comes up in subtle ways, and other times in big, overt ways. But it is the subtle moments that are the most worrisome, because you don’t even realize that you were bitten by the not enough parasite. I call it a parasite, because it is a nasty little bug that can wreak havoc if not addressed. It can rear its ugly little head right before a job interview, as you prepare for the job of a lifetime and then all of a sudden all these intrusive thoughts present itself saying “you are not educated enough…you don’t have enough experience”. It rears itself while headed to the club with your girls and you’re comparing your outfit to your girlfriend who’s always getting all the attention thinking you don’t look as good as her. Most of the time, you don’t even realize this is what is happening—that you have been hijacked by “not enough”.
The thing is, not enough comes from somewhere. It comes from many angles. Think about the society we live in… constantly being bombarded with messages that you are not where you should be in terms of your education, your clothes, your physical appearance, your bod, your career choices, your relationships… so much more. The beauty industry for instance, the one that targets women the most, is constantly telling us that we need to be more beautiful and all the ways in which we need to do so. It tells us how to look youthful, have longer shiner hair, silkier skin, slimmer waistline…and the list goes on. I don’t know about you but all these bullshit rules and recommendations makes me so confused; who’s standard of beauty is this anyway? I want to unsubscribe. In fact, I recently learned that in a Dove campaign, only 4% of women in the world feel they are beautiful. ONLY 4%… let that sink in!
In other cases, not enough comes from our upbringing; from our childhood needs going unmet. Here’s a case example:
Shondra* grew up in a single parent home. When Shondra was younger, her mother would leave her home alone to go on dates with men, and as she got older this continued. Shondra’s mother always seemed to put the men in her life before Shondra. So much so, that when Shondra was 13 years old she told her mother that she felt uncomfortable around her current boyfriend because he would make passes at her, only to have Shondra’s mother tell her she was making it up and could move out if she wanted to. After this, Shondra grew up thinking she was not important and carried this message with her into adulthood. At her place of employment, Shondra was often afraid to speak up when she was treated poorly by a director in her department. She also felt extreme anxiety in meetings when she was asked to give her opinion on certain matters. See, she had told herself that she was not important enough to be heard so anytime she felt mistreated, or called on, she wouldn’t speak up. This played out in other areas of her life too, not just at work. When Shondra was able to make the connections in her not enough story, she was able to uncover other areas in which not enough showed up and the impact that it had had on her.
Can you relate to Shondra? Does Shondra sound like you or someone you know? In Shondra’s case, once she finally realized that she had been lying to herself, and was able to heal the places where the lies lived, she was able to let go of the not enough story. She recognized when the parasite was showing up, what was being triggered in her and today chooses to lovingly and compassionately remind herself that she is ENOUGH.
We don’t walk around saying out loud, “I am not enough”, but we certainly feel it. And, worse, we believe it! The more we believe it, the more we sell ourselves short. The smaller we play in life. We are all a bit like Shondra, even if you didn’t have the same life experience as Shondra. Maybe your not enough story can be attributed to the impacts of the media and images around you. We are all carrying not enough parasites in us and believing in the lies it brings with them.
For me, “not enough” was the biggest lie I ever told myself.
No matter what your not enough story is, you have to know that it is a LIE!!!! You are enough… you are whole, perfect and ready for YOUR LIFE. To show up in your fullness and carry out you in your full expression.
*Shondra is a pseudonym and some of the details have been changed to protect client confidentiality.